The Problem: A Pattern of Rejection
My client "Mark" received the dreaded message: "We're going with another vendor." It was disappointing and frustrating — not just because rejection hurts, but because he spent countless hours researching, preparing for that potential client. He even asked others for help, and now it felt like all that work was wasted. Where should he focus next?
All Mark cared about was helping others enter his market. He was just transitioning into consulting but felt lost in the maze of uncertainty. After this last rejection, he reached out to work through this painful struggle.
The Insight: The Hidden Struggle Behind Overdelivering
Prior to consulting, Mark had been running another business for well over a decade. Consulting seemed like a natural next step—he was often asked for his advice and was passionate about helping others grow their businesses. He aimed to build his consulting practice part-time as he wound down his trading activities.
However, Mark didn’t know how to position himself, and he was trying all types of tactics—each with very little success. After a few sessions, it became clear: Mark’s real struggle was deeper than just tactics. He lacked confidence in himself and in his expertise.
He doubted whether his knowledge was truly worth charging for. He felt that offering advice for free was simply the right thing to do—he was a nice guy who genuinely wanted to help. But this eagerness to help, combined with his fear of charging, made him fall into common traps:
- Being too agreeable.
- Offering services for free or at heavy discounts.
- Over-preparing without getting a firm commitment from the client.
These actions were symptoms of a deeper issue: undervaluing his own expertise. Mark's behavior was driven by insecurity, and it was costing him opportunities and his own peace of mind.
The Reframe: Recognizing the Value of Your Expertise
The first step for Mark—and for many consultants—is to take a hard look in the mirror. Are you truly valuing your expertise? Mark realized he wasn't. He was afraid to charge because he doubted whether his knowledge was valuable enough.
Undervaluing yourself comes at a cost. It leads to burnout, as you overextend yourself to prove your worth. It confuses clients, as they sense your lack of confidence. It also means lost opportunities—clients are less likely to commit when they don’t see you valuing what you bring to the table.
Mark's experiences illustrate how undervaluing yourself affects every aspect of your consulting practice. The lack of confidence shows up in how you price your services, how much you give away for free, and how you let clients treat you. Recognizing this is the first step to changing it.
The Approach: Transforming Mindset into Practice
Once Mark recognized his value, it was time to put that mindset into practice. Here’s how we did it:
- Match the Work to the Opportuity
We reflected on why Mark was doing so much prep work. Doing pre-work and research can be valuable, especially when entering a new industry, but it’s critical to ask: How confident are you that this lead will become a client? Have you two discussed and agreed on expectations, budget, deliverables, and timeline? If not, then who is this pre-work really for? Make sure the preparation is necessary and NOT because you're insecure. With that in mind, Mark made sure to moderate his pre-work with the client's commitment. - Audit Yourself
Take a hard, honest look at your process. Where are clients dropping off? Ask lost-clients for feedback. Often, they’ll provide valuable insights and like working with those who are always improving. You could also role-play sales conversations with trusted friends or advisors to identify gaps and practice new techniques. Understanding your weak spots will help you refine your approach over time. - Structuring Your Services
Finally, to cement these insights into his business ... ensure his boundaries, Mark created a formal system. We worked on building a clear sales funnel, proposal templates, contract guidelines, and specific checkpoints throughout engagements. This structure helped make his expertise visible and provided a clear roadmap for both Mark and his clients.
The Process: The Journey to Self-Respect
As Mark began to embrace his expertise and set boundaries, he noticed something incredible: he started to respect himself more. This self-respect translated into more respect from clients. He wasn’t just offering advice—he was offering strategic value, and he made sure clients understood that.
Valuing yourself can create a ripple effect. When you respect your own time and expertise, clients are more likely to respect it too. This shift transformed Mark’s consulting practice. He moved from feeling undervalued to running a practice that was built on mutual respect, clear value, and strong boundaries.
Final Thoughts
The entrepreneurship of consulting is not just about helping others—it's also about understanding and asserting the value of your expertise. If you undervalue yourself, clients will too. Embrace the worth of what you offer, set boundaries, and create a structure that allows you to share your knowledge confidently.
Remember, the transition to consulting takes time, and building a practice on a foundation of self-respect is the most crucial step to lasting success. Start today by recognizing your worth, and watch how everything else falls into place
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Brian TamThinking partner for thoughtful founders